“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.”  ~ Joseph Campbell

This quote may seem contrary to all that I have written about making choices, taking hold of one’s life and not bobbing along like a cork in a stream.  But life is not so simple.  Sometimes plans fail and another choice is presented in its place.  When paying attention in the moment, there comes a time when it is obvious the plan one has laid out for oneself will not take the intended path.  Instead, another avenue is placed in front of us.  We still have the choice whether to follow it or not, but staying open to another life plan is part of claiming one’s happiness.

The unexpected is just around the corner and offers a direction one had not considered. There are so many plot changes along the way that it is somewhat arrogant to assume one can completely direct one’s life.  The athlete, carefully planning each move, until the day that a career ending injury occurs; the carefully plotted professional path that dead-ends the day the industry becomes obsolete; the anticipated family that is lost to infertility; so many obstacles to address and overcome.

To not accept, and rail against the loss of a plan that is no longer viable is to become stuck in a spiral of defeat.  With acceptance comes the opportunity to look through the doors that have opened, and take the chance to redefine oneself in light of the new circumstance.  The cycle of loss and acceptance is no doubt one of the most difficult, to find a means to use it to the best advantage and continuing to take charge of the choices presented, is a coping strategy for the inevitable disappointments in life.

A life plan needs to have room for life, the fluid, tempting, taunting thing that fills the hours and days.  Look carefully at what you find in your path, possibly it is the plan life has for you.

I took the above photo  this morning, the lingering effect of an all day snowfall yesterday.

The season comes slowly in my world with fits and starts.  The locals call this season sprinter since it is never quite spring and falls back into winter with abandon.  I still need to keep the wood stove going to warm the house, yet some days the sun is so warm that working in a tank top outdoors is comfortable.  It is a frustrating time of year as well.  After thinking all winter about the things one wants to accomplish in the spring, it seems to never arrive with the desired timing.

Like so much of life the timing is rarely to our liking.  We have to be at work too early, the movie starts too close to dinner or too late to get home at a reasonable time.  We are contrarian in that way, we want things to happen in just the right way in just the right time, but in fact there isn’t a perfect time at all.  Trying to adjust one’s body rhythm to a different schedule, aligning oneself with the timing of another can be a daily struggle.  I want spring weather when the equinox is upon us, not weeks later.  But it is not mine to choose.

Cultivating patience instead of a garden is called for now.  It is certainly one of my faults and is common enough in this hurry-up world.  Allowing myself to sense the pace of the day or the season and adjust to it and not fight it is my personal battle.  Being in the moment is all well and good unless one is waiting for spring.  So for today, I will stop waiting, admire the beautiful mix of the lush green new grasses coated with dollops of whipped cream snow and know that this too is spring.

“Enough is abundance to the wise.” — Euripides

Recognizing what we have when we have it is one of the most obvious ingredients in the happiness recipe.  It is human nature to look ahead, to plan, to dream; as it is to look behind to examine, analyze.  Staying in the moment is often a difficult proposition and one that takes applied effort and concentration at times.  At others it is so easy to become caught up in the present and to let go of everything but the now.  When we are fully present whatever we have or do is enough for that moment.  It is only in thinking forward or back that it becomes lacking.

We are also comparative beings, observing what others have and pitting that against our own.  We are often instructed in religion and mythology to compare ourselves to those who have little, to gain greater appreciation for our own situation.  But comparisons in either direction cause us to view our place relatively as opposed to in the immediate.  And in the immediate is where gratification lies.  In any given moment we have the gift to see what we have and cherish it, instead we all too often find it wanting in comparison to some idealized view of what we might have.

Continuing one’s focus on the present, paying attention to the gifts in our lives, knowing in our wisdom that we are at peace with little or much; we proceed on the journey of becoming our best selves, moment by moment.

There are applications for a smart device that can help you do just about anything.  But when was the last time you asked a friend or relative for help?  Children must ask for help often and for what seems, to an adult, simple things.  As we grow older we view it as a sign of independence, a hallmark of our competence to go it alone.  The millions of apps out in the cyber world point to the fact that it is not always possible or desirable to go it alone.  Once we realize that a task cannot be managed without help, a problem not solved without sound advice, who or what do we turn to?

Asking for help can forge a stronger relationship and sense of community.  Asking a neighbor to help you figure out how to deal with the tree in their yard that keeps dropping debris on your lawn brings a different response than demanding the problem be addressed.  Opening oneself to a certain vulnerability in asking for help, is to lower ones defenses and let another person a little closer.  Asking a co-worker to give you a hand with a two person task, gives them permission to do the same with you the next time they need assistance.  Creating an opening through asking for real and necessary help is a means to connect with others in your life.  As we allow the connections to grow, so grows trust, and in time one’s overall sense of belonging and happiness.

Reaching out, instead of reaching in your pocket for your device, grows the human connection that we thrive on as social beings.  There is an app to tell you when the next bus is due, but asking the person also waiting  could begin an entire conversation with someone who has something of value to add to your life.  Allowing yourself to be open, connecting and at times vulnerable creates the opportunity for surprising and often delightful results.  Reach out, ask, and discover.

Sometimes we continue to repeat a behavior or walk down a path in the mistaken belief that somehow we can change the outcome with persistence.  A pair of robins year after year choose to nest on or near a house.  They also believe their reflection in the window is a robin threatening their family harmony.  From first light until after dark they fly at the window trying to drive away the intruder.  The drumbeat of their wings is the ongoing percussion of  spring.  But at the same time they are using their precious newly regained spring energy to chase after something that is not even there.  The result is not two or three broods a season, they only manage one.

Some of us seem to follow the same strategy – continue beating on the reflection in the hope that it will somehow go away.  When one finds themself continuing a particular path and the result is not the desired one, when is it time to veer off?  And how do we know when to find another path to the same destination or change the destination altogether?  Often it is a case of brutal honesty. Stepping outside of oneself and asking:

• Is this what I want my life to look like?
• Is this a good use of my time and energy?
• What do I expect will be the outcome?
• Do I have control over that outcome?
• What am I getting from persisting, and is it worth it?
• What would I do if I didn’t do this?

Once you have taken stock of the situation, how do you begin to make the change?  When persisting in a direction that is not getting the result that you are hoping for, it is time to fully set it aside for a time and not try a different approach.  What if the robins just gave up now and waited to see if the bird in the window was really a problem?  Often setting something aside when the progress has stopped instead of trying to force it, will open new ideas, some possibly related to the sticking point, others, unrelated and fresh.  The new and fresh ideas and pursuits are easily overlooked in  the dogged persistence of the futile.

If after a time, no resolution presents itself and you have found better uses for your time and energy, you will want to let the pointless persistence go.  For many it is difficult to “give up”, it is often equated with failure.  Yet the failure is to resist acknowledging the obvious and continue to try to change something or someone who is beyond our ability to change or control.  Reminding oneself of the positive outcomes of using our drive and energy in pursuits that reward us with success and pleasure is a counterbalance to  negativity of believing one has given up.  Giving oneself the permission to let go of a pointless persistence opens up the doors and windows to opportunities we have yet to imagine with the blinders we have worn.  Steps to let go:

• Adopt a new activity or pursuit that is in line with you overall happiness goals
• Trust that the resolution will present itself in time
• If it does not, accept that there is no resolution
• Reward yourself with positive messages and enjoyable activities
• Be mindful of the time and energy you have gained in letting go

With so many choices; to waste even one is a shame.  Choosing a meaningful path is certainly a place to begin.

Sound too, can play a role in our mood and outlook.  Imagine sitting in your favorite spot with the most soothing sound you can imagine; perhaps water sounds, ocean waves or babbling brook.  Now imagine sitting in that same spot and the sounds of traffic and sirens are all that you hear.  At the onset of a grating sound there is commonly a physical response of tension and possibly a low-level anxiety.  That tension can grow if the sound invasion goes unabated and suddenly you realize you cannot hear yourself think.

Surrounding ourselves with pleasant sounds is not always practical, but we do have some ways in which we can alter the sound environment.  In addition to adding a sound source with strains pleasing to the ear, we can focus on the sound we add to the song of life.  Listen to your voice; is it well modulated and pleasing to the listener?  Do you have a smile in your voice and kindness in your tone?  You can share your own brand of happiness through the timbre of your spoken words.  Moving quietly can also express calm and a sense of peace.  Do you make a point of walking down a hallway with open doors lightly, or do you make your presence known with a firm step.  Remind yourself that the sounds you create in your movement may impact those around you and possibly add tension when it is not necessary to do so.

Paying attention to the sound, to silence, and our physical and emotional response to them is part of the mindfulness that allows us to find more happiness in our days and to share our happiness in subtle ways.

Thank you to Christina http://christinashappinessproject.wordpress.com for the phrase, “The Song of Life” – how great that we can inspire and be inspired.

One of the Four Splendid Truths of Gretchen Rubin’s Happiness Project is, “The days are long, but the years are short”.

It is easy for me to see that, looking back over the years of the busy life of a working Mom, yet even today when the years are getting shorter and shorter I often forget the concept of using each moment to its fullest and to find my happiness in the present, in even the most mundane tasks.  So with that idea in mind I wanted to see if I could apply it to my to-do list for today, in advance.  Maybe planning for happiness and identifying the reward before I begin will allow me to appreciate the value of the tasks.  From today’s list:

Address and mail holiday cards:  Since I am away from family and friends I keep in touch in the more traditional manner – snail mail.  I remember the thrill I got as a child getting a card or letter from a relative or friend, and I am trying to pass that on to my young nieces and others.  Remembering the excitement I felt makes me happy.

Clean my office to prepare for doing my taxes: I do love order, it makes me feel calmer and more in control.  I feel a certain satisfaction when I have finished, with visual proof of the completd job.  Knowing I will be able to easily find the papers I need to do the tax project gives me a sense of relief, add this all up and it will make me happy, now and in the long run.

Accept the delivery of a cord of wood (I hope it is today):  This will make me very, very happy, as I am now out of the hot burning wood and there was a trace of snow on the ground this morning, so brrr, I still need to keep the stove going.  But beyond the practical, when the truck dumps the wood and the tiny cells of wood pop open as they hit the ground and release the aroma of the resins in the pine, it takes me back to the wonderful memories of spending time in the woods with my family for pleasure.  And when I am splitting the wood I get the benefit of the smells, the good physical feel of working hard and satisfaction of a job complete when the wood is stacked.

For one of my splendid truths: Preparing for happiness sets the tone and the mood for any task.  As I go about my day I will be mindful of the things that bring me joy in the work that I am doing and as always, stop occasionally and appreciate how fortunate I am to live where I do and have the life that I live.

“There are years that ask questions and years that answer.”    ―
Zora Neale Hurston,  Their Eyes Were Watching God

We often become impatient, expecting the answer to our internal questioning to be available to us on demand.  Our questions have their own timing though, and require waiting for the answer to present itself rather than trying to wring the solution out of dry cloth.  Something like trying to recall the name of a movie or author, when we give up and set it aside, at the strangest time it pops into our consciousness.

In the immediate gratification culture of the western world, the concept of sitting with something, a question or a thought, is not always the first consideration.  When we are trying to retrain our internal dialog, we sometimes forget that the changes can be slow and at times imperceptible, yet they are happening all the same.  To stay the course, to continue to ask ourselves where our happiness lies without expecting an immediate response takes a bit of training as well.  Ultimately, what we are working on is the internal discipline to wait, to listen to our own hearts, to be still and mindful of what is in front of us at this moment.  To plant the seeds of our thoughts out of season and expecting them to grow will disappoint.  If this is the season for questions, ask them.  If this is the season for answers, then listen carefully with your quiet heart.

I thought this would be a year of questions, a year of self-examination, and indeed it is.  Yet if I am careful and hold very still, sometimes the answer is there too.