Sometimes we continue to repeat a behavior or walk down a path in the mistaken belief that somehow we can change the outcome with persistence.  A pair of robins year after year choose to nest on or near a house.  They also believe their reflection in the window is a robin threatening their family harmony.  From first light until after dark they fly at the window trying to drive away the intruder.  The drumbeat of their wings is the ongoing percussion of  spring.  But at the same time they are using their precious newly regained spring energy to chase after something that is not even there.  The result is not two or three broods a season, they only manage one.

Some of us seem to follow the same strategy – continue beating on the reflection in the hope that it will somehow go away.  When one finds themself continuing a particular path and the result is not the desired one, when is it time to veer off?  And how do we know when to find another path to the same destination or change the destination altogether?  Often it is a case of brutal honesty. Stepping outside of oneself and asking:

• Is this what I want my life to look like?
• Is this a good use of my time and energy?
• What do I expect will be the outcome?
• Do I have control over that outcome?
• What am I getting from persisting, and is it worth it?
• What would I do if I didn’t do this?

Once you have taken stock of the situation, how do you begin to make the change?  When persisting in a direction that is not getting the result that you are hoping for, it is time to fully set it aside for a time and not try a different approach.  What if the robins just gave up now and waited to see if the bird in the window was really a problem?  Often setting something aside when the progress has stopped instead of trying to force it, will open new ideas, some possibly related to the sticking point, others, unrelated and fresh.  The new and fresh ideas and pursuits are easily overlooked in  the dogged persistence of the futile.

If after a time, no resolution presents itself and you have found better uses for your time and energy, you will want to let the pointless persistence go.  For many it is difficult to “give up”, it is often equated with failure.  Yet the failure is to resist acknowledging the obvious and continue to try to change something or someone who is beyond our ability to change or control.  Reminding oneself of the positive outcomes of using our drive and energy in pursuits that reward us with success and pleasure is a counterbalance to  negativity of believing one has given up.  Giving oneself the permission to let go of a pointless persistence opens up the doors and windows to opportunities we have yet to imagine with the blinders we have worn.  Steps to let go:

• Adopt a new activity or pursuit that is in line with you overall happiness goals
• Trust that the resolution will present itself in time
• If it does not, accept that there is no resolution
• Reward yourself with positive messages and enjoyable activities
• Be mindful of the time and energy you have gained in letting go

With so many choices; to waste even one is a shame.  Choosing a meaningful path is certainly a place to begin.

Sound too, can play a role in our mood and outlook.  Imagine sitting in your favorite spot with the most soothing sound you can imagine; perhaps water sounds, ocean waves or babbling brook.  Now imagine sitting in that same spot and the sounds of traffic and sirens are all that you hear.  At the onset of a grating sound there is commonly a physical response of tension and possibly a low-level anxiety.  That tension can grow if the sound invasion goes unabated and suddenly you realize you cannot hear yourself think.

Surrounding ourselves with pleasant sounds is not always practical, but we do have some ways in which we can alter the sound environment.  In addition to adding a sound source with strains pleasing to the ear, we can focus on the sound we add to the song of life.  Listen to your voice; is it well modulated and pleasing to the listener?  Do you have a smile in your voice and kindness in your tone?  You can share your own brand of happiness through the timbre of your spoken words.  Moving quietly can also express calm and a sense of peace.  Do you make a point of walking down a hallway with open doors lightly, or do you make your presence known with a firm step.  Remind yourself that the sounds you create in your movement may impact those around you and possibly add tension when it is not necessary to do so.

Paying attention to the sound, to silence, and our physical and emotional response to them is part of the mindfulness that allows us to find more happiness in our days and to share our happiness in subtle ways.

Thank you to Christina http://christinashappinessproject.wordpress.com for the phrase, “The Song of Life” – how great that we can inspire and be inspired.

One of the Four Splendid Truths of Gretchen Rubin’s Happiness Project is, “The days are long, but the years are short”.

It is easy for me to see that, looking back over the years of the busy life of a working Mom, yet even today when the years are getting shorter and shorter I often forget the concept of using each moment to its fullest and to find my happiness in the present, in even the most mundane tasks.  So with that idea in mind I wanted to see if I could apply it to my to-do list for today, in advance.  Maybe planning for happiness and identifying the reward before I begin will allow me to appreciate the value of the tasks.  From today’s list:

Address and mail holiday cards:  Since I am away from family and friends I keep in touch in the more traditional manner – snail mail.  I remember the thrill I got as a child getting a card or letter from a relative or friend, and I am trying to pass that on to my young nieces and others.  Remembering the excitement I felt makes me happy.

Clean my office to prepare for doing my taxes: I do love order, it makes me feel calmer and more in control.  I feel a certain satisfaction when I have finished, with visual proof of the completd job.  Knowing I will be able to easily find the papers I need to do the tax project gives me a sense of relief, add this all up and it will make me happy, now and in the long run.

Accept the delivery of a cord of wood (I hope it is today):  This will make me very, very happy, as I am now out of the hot burning wood and there was a trace of snow on the ground this morning, so brrr, I still need to keep the stove going.  But beyond the practical, when the truck dumps the wood and the tiny cells of wood pop open as they hit the ground and release the aroma of the resins in the pine, it takes me back to the wonderful memories of spending time in the woods with my family for pleasure.  And when I am splitting the wood I get the benefit of the smells, the good physical feel of working hard and satisfaction of a job complete when the wood is stacked.

For one of my splendid truths: Preparing for happiness sets the tone and the mood for any task.  As I go about my day I will be mindful of the things that bring me joy in the work that I am doing and as always, stop occasionally and appreciate how fortunate I am to live where I do and have the life that I live.

“There are years that ask questions and years that answer.”    ―
Zora Neale Hurston,  Their Eyes Were Watching God

We often become impatient, expecting the answer to our internal questioning to be available to us on demand.  Our questions have their own timing though, and require waiting for the answer to present itself rather than trying to wring the solution out of dry cloth.  Something like trying to recall the name of a movie or author, when we give up and set it aside, at the strangest time it pops into our consciousness.

In the immediate gratification culture of the western world, the concept of sitting with something, a question or a thought, is not always the first consideration.  When we are trying to retrain our internal dialog, we sometimes forget that the changes can be slow and at times imperceptible, yet they are happening all the same.  To stay the course, to continue to ask ourselves where our happiness lies without expecting an immediate response takes a bit of training as well.  Ultimately, what we are working on is the internal discipline to wait, to listen to our own hearts, to be still and mindful of what is in front of us at this moment.  To plant the seeds of our thoughts out of season and expecting them to grow will disappoint.  If this is the season for questions, ask them.  If this is the season for answers, then listen carefully with your quiet heart.

I thought this would be a year of questions, a year of self-examination, and indeed it is.  Yet if I am careful and hold very still, sometimes the answer is there too.

Question: What did you give up to get what you got?

Fear – the fear of making a mistake or being wrong.

Anger – about things over which I have no control.

Remorse – wishing I had the knowledge I have now – wanting a “do over”.

Second-guessing – not trusting my own instincts or decisions.

False security – believing lack of change was safety.

My façade – being the person I thought everyone else wanted.

Surprised?  When I initially saw the question I thought of the great sacrifices that some people make to get where they want to go and I realized that my sacrifices were giving up on myself and my happiness to stay in a place that I didn’t like.  Hanging on to things that gave me no comfort, no solace, no sense of the joy in life; I was missing out on the beauty of a life well lived.

Choosing to give up on the negative in our lives and focus on the positive sounds like such a simple concept, yet it is frightening to those of us who cling to our fears and the things that hold us back out of a false sense of security and safety.  Letting go, really flinging ourselves at happiness requires fearlessness, and a determination to give up our old selves.  Taking the risk of actively making changes is like stepping off a cliff into the vast unknown.  Yet looking at where one is presently, are you so satisfied with your life and the pleasure it brings you that it is not worth the risk of intentional change?  Or do you know when you look deeply inside that there is a better way?  To find that better way is to begin shedding the things that are holding us back, letting go of our fears and doubts and trusting that we can actively replace them with confidence and strength.  One must be brave to choose another path.  Today I will practice bravery.

“From the backstabbing co-worker to the meddling sister-in-law, you are in charge of how you react to the people and events in your life. You can either give negativity power over your life or you can choose happiness instead. Take control and choose to focus on what is important in your life. Those who cannot live fully often become destroyers of life.”    ―      Anaïs Nin

A wise woman once said the “misery doesn’t just love company, it loves miserable company”.  How many times are we drawn into the circle of complainers at work, or become trapped hearing out the drama of a friend’s latest encounter.  It is so easy to join in, to become miserable along with the others and before we know it we have our long list of injustices and disagreeable events.  To be brought down to the level of the most miserable of the group is an easy enough occurence and takes strength and determination to stay neutral in the face of that much unhappiness.  Yet, participating does harm us and we can risk losing our ability to reframe to the positive.

As a daily goal to be happy and to apply the tools we have to find happiness, it is also wise to actively avoid unhappiness and misery.  It is not to say that one cannot offer help to a friend or loved one who is in a difficult situation, but to become caught up in a cycle of complaining about something with no interest in a solution, is to undermine our best efforts to be a happier person. When confronted with a miserable person looking for company in their misery it is important to remember that offering assistance and trying to be helpful will benefit both of you, joining in the misery benefits no one.

We make choices large and small each day and to take that brief moment to decide if the choice is one that adds to our overall happiness or subtracts from it is time well spent.

“If you cannot be the poet, be the poem.”  ~ David Carradine

Poetry is the result of painting a picture with words.  The result is not a story, but a vision shown.  To live one’s life as a poem is to use our actions to show ourselves to the world.  As my poetry instructor intoned, “show – don’t tell”.  How do we show ourselves to the outer world?  Are we painting our lives with broad strokes of color, are we crafting tightly constructed lines of rhyme?  Who are we in there?

It is not the message but the means.  A poem can be soothing, a poem can also be jarring, it can be tight metered stanzas or it can be flowing unstructured free verse.  To “be the poem” does not mean that your life must have a certain order or that you are charming or witty or thoughtful (although you may be all of those things), it simply means to paint with your actions, put yourself out there, live your vision in a full and vibrant manner.

And on a particularly joyous day perhaps you can be the song.

There is something so optimistic about the dawn of a new day.  And not just the beginning of the day as we have come to understand the expression, but the actual dawn of the day.  Even lacking a spectacular sunrise, exciting plans, or a narrative of any kind; the fact that the sun rises every morning and yet shines on a day that has yet to define itself is a time to reflect on what we want from the day.  The sun has a particular  way of starting the day; slowly, stretching itself along the horizon before peeking the rim of itself over the eastern sky.  And it wakens the world slowly as well.  The early rustling and quiet first song of the birds, gentle drips of the moisture that has been captured in the dark, signal this slow stretching into full daylight.

One cannot help but feel wonder at this event, even as it repeats itself, reliably throughout our lives.  It is almost a magical moment, the colors slowly returning with the added light, the stillness of the air, a sense of softness wrapping the earliest part of the new day.  Wonder is a special kind of happiness, and the wonder of the sunrise gives us an uplifting herald to the day ahead.

I will admit that I have varied from earlier riser by necessity, to sleeping through the sunrise to becoming an earlier riser by choice.  The calm, gentle, slow start of the early morning gives my day a tone and feel.  Jumping out of bed as the alarm goes off creates a day of always feeling rushed, slightly behind, and somewhat irritable.  Waking slowly, allowing my body to find the rhythm of the day, and starting from a center of peace and calm gives happiness a head start in my day.

This day will be unlike any other in its detail and richness.  Stop a moment to breathe in the loveliness of an early morning to appreciate the beginning of that day.  You may be surprised at the difference in your day simply having greeted the sunrise.

“Your thoughts become words, your words become actions, your actions become you.” Vlad

How often have we thought something yet said something different, only to have our actions betray our thoughts?  Making a conscious effort to think clearly and positively, to translate those thoughts into words of choice and inspiration and acting upon our words in a positive and responsible manner is a primary method in creating our own happiness.  Not just unhappy thoughts are undermining; thoughts that disparage, thoughts made without heart and understanding, can cause us to act in unhappy ways.

And interestingly enough, to take this to the next step, our actions then reinforce our thoughts and our emotions.  Being fully aware of the process back and forth between our brains where thoughts and words form to flow into our bodies creating actions, and our muscle memory that sends those actions back to the brain to reinforce the thoughts and words, allows us to create and reinforce the positive.

Quietly observing, then chosing to create a positive thought about what we have observed and acting upon that in the same way that we have chosen to think about it not only adds to our happiness, but creates a harmony throughout our system.  To become a happier, calmer and more peaceful individual we need to remind ourselves to begin with our thoughts and follow through with our actions.