Tag Archives: unhappiness

Knowing Your Path

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“You will recognize your own path when you come upon it, because you will suddenly have all the energy and imagination you will ever need.”

What if the right path presented itself as a dazzling staircase that we only had to climb to find ourselves exactly where we needed to be?  Would we do it?  Or would we look at the amazing path and tell ourselves; it is too high, it looks too slippery, I’ll come back to it later when I am not so busy, it might be an illusion?

We have  myriad ways to convince our-selves not to do the thing that we know is best for us, meant for us to do.  I just finished a book that I cannot more highly recommend, “SWAY, The Irresistible Pull of Irrational Behavior” by Ori and Rom Brafman.  It delves into the question of why we would do or believe something that makes absolutely no sense, and yet somehow we convince our brains, or vice versa in some cases, that it does.  A fast-paced read on a topic that could change how you operate and best of all, how to get unstuck from a behavior or relationship you have tried to escape.
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2118114.Sway

If today the thought of one activity, one person, one idea, creates that spark of energy and imagination, then it is time to seize it with all you have.  Don’t climb that staircase, run up the staircase, shout from the top, slide down the railing and run up again.  Embrace this moment and give it your full attention and heart.  All of the paths are there, the bright sparkling ones, the cool deep ones that lead into the enchanted forest, the precisely laid stone, the overgrown tangled vine laden paths.  Which one intrigues you and calls you further along?  The path that resonates inside is not the same for each of us, rather it is the connection we feel to that path that has grown inside us as we have passed by so many others knowing they are not the right one.

Do not be cautious, do not choose with care!  Fling yourself at your path with all the daring and courage that you can muster.   The time for care and caution will be when you think you want to veer from that path to find another.  Be sure you have explored this one fully and allow yourself the time to reflect whether you have merely come upon a log you must climb over or if it is the end of this path and time to find the next.

And each time, let yourself light up, feel the thrill and magic of travelling exactly where you belong.  It is not luck that one finds oneself on the right path, all that you need is being open enough to see it and brave enough to take it.  Step quickly now, your path is right ahead!

Expect Less, Find More

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“As I know more of mankind I expect less of them, and am ready now to call a man a good man, upon easier terms than I was formerly.” ~Samuel Johnson

As I know more of myself, I expect less, and am ready now to call a man a good man, upon easier terms than I was formerly.  Holding oneself and humankind  to a standard of perfection will lead to disappointment and sorrow.  Finding room for the imperfections, the failings, the sheer humanness in the self and humanity is to not only see the world as it is, but to become open to the hidden good within.

As a recovering perfectionist I find that as I have learned to be easier and more forgiving of myself I am easier and more forgiving of the others in my life and the world at large.  It is a burden that weighs heavily to believe one should be able to achieve that which is unachievable, and doubly heavy to believe that about others.  Never finding satisfaction in “good enough”, striving, pushing for just a little more, all sounded like the keys to success to me and perhaps they are.  But when nothing is ever quite right, that more could always have been done, steals away the precious moments of rest and gratification.  To court such disappointment and failing is the expressway to unhappiness.

Viewing oneself and others with a forgiving mind and heart allows the focus to shift from the negative to the positive.  Looking at imperfections as a clue to the hidden value of another, actively searching for the best in each, while embracing the lack of perfection, offers insight and access to the good.  With the focus on the flaws we only see a man, focusing on the merit behind the flaws allows us to see the good man.  The art of turning one’s focus is one of the key secrets to a happy and contented life.  Like a houseplant stretching toward the light we too can grow towards the sun.

Lowering expectations from the unrealistic to the realistic brings the self into alignment with the world as it is.  From there we can look to the good in the man, choose to search for the best in what is, and ease the burden of seeking that which cannot be.

Six AM

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The world is so different at this hour.  The moon shining so brightly through the bedroom shades that I surrendered any hope of sleep and got up.  What a delight!  From the upper back deck I can see to the west where the moon is slowly sinking behind the mountains, one lone star for company as the horizon begins to brighten to the east.  The smell of wood smoke on the still cold air, I hear the last hoot of an owl and the first testing peeps of a songbird.  Joining it almost immediately are the gobble and yips of the turkeys to the south, and in seconds they are in full cry as the entire flock awakens and begins to move about.  The sunrise is still a way off, but the light to the east is enough that the landscape is beginning to show its colors again. I cannot imagine a better way to start the day.

I work with a guide to understand the mind-body connection and we devised an activity, part physical therapy, part meditation directed at the unhappiness I referred to in an earlier post.  Since my personal spot to store my unhappiness, in this case anger, is in my lower back, we addressed that particular area.  Using a therapy ball, I stretched backwards over the ball and gently rocked the ball to flex my back while paying particular attention to my breathing.  On the exhale when I was fully flexed I pictured the anger releasing in small particles from my body after being broken loose from the tightness in my back.  I would have been the first to tell you a year ago that this was just a bunch of new age hocus pocus, but after a year of being mindful, tuning into my body and paying attention to the connection between how my body is feeling and what my emotions and thoughts are telling me, I am a convert.  I would now say, if it works for you, by all means, do it!

I stepped outside for a moment to breathe the mountain air once more and even though the sun has not quite shown its face, the colors are deepening and the thin clouds to the east are a brilliant pink.  A woodpecker has added percussion to the bird symphony, as the natural world gives birth to another cheerful day.

Excavation

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Sometimes in the course of trying to find happiness, one stumbles upon a deep unhappiness that should be unearthed, dusted off, and given a good look.  Even though we can choose our conscious state of happiness, at times our sub-conscious is just not ready to let go of a particular unhappiness.  For many, that unhappiness appears in dreams that can leave one troubled upon waking.  It is by its nature not a pleasant undertaking to really examine an unhappiness, but in the end, if one can come to some sort of peace or at least a truce, there is greater room for true happiness to reside in the sub-conscious as well.

Since today is a day of tackling nagging tasks, I might as well add examining the unhappiness.  To balance my day and not tip it into the rather depressing exercise it could become, I will spend time outside doing physical work on this bright, sunny still day.  With balance, I hope to put my unhappiness items in perspective and look at them in a way that leads me back to my chosen path. After all, how can I not look out on this bright sunny morning and not feel joy?